People often expect grief to move neatly through stages and then end. In reality, grief tends to come in waves. Some days feel almost normal; then a song, a smell or an ordinary Tuesday brings the loss rushing back. If that is happening to you, it does not mean you are grieving "wrong".
Grief is not only about death
We grieve many kinds of loss: a person, a pet, a relationship, a pregnancy, our health, a home, a future we imagined. Each of these deserves care, even if other people don't recognise them as losses.
What grief can feel like
- Deep sadness, or numbness where you expected sadness
- Anger, at the situation, at others, or at the person who died
- Guilt about things said or not said
- Tiredness, poor sleep, changes in appetite
- Difficulty concentrating
- Moments of laughter or relief, followed by guilt for feeling them
All of these are normal parts of grief.
Growing around the grief
One helpful way to think about grief is that it does not necessarily shrink. Instead, life slowly grows around it. The loss stays, but there becomes more room for other things alongside it: connection, purpose, even joy.
What can help
- Let the waves come. Trying to hold everything back usually makes it heavier.
- Keep some routine. Small anchors such as meals, a walk or a regular call with someone help.
- Talk about the person or what you lost. Sharing memories can be painful and comforting at once.
- Be patient with yourself on hard dates such as birthdays, anniversaries and festivals. Plan something gentle.
- Accept help. People often want to help but don't know how; give them something specific.
- Find your own way to remember: a letter, a ritual, a photo, a place you visit.
Write a letter to the person or thing you lost. Tell them what you miss, what you wish you had said, and what is happening in your life now. You don't need to send it or show anyone.
When to reach out
Grief does not need to be "fixed". But if it feels stuck, if months later you can't function day to day, if you feel hopeless, or if you are having thoughts of not wanting to live, please reach out. Grief counselling offers a safe space to carry your loss. Mahima on our team supports people through grief and loss.